Every few weeks, the moment that Super Tall Guy stumbles into my room and climbs into my bed coincides with me getting into bed myself. I would sit and read and spend a few minutes counting the length of the pauses in his breathing. It never reached my doctor definition of “scary”….but the fact that he would just stop breathing never sat right with me.
So at the end of June, we spent the night at the sleep center with him hooked up to a tangle of wires and enough “goo” in his hair to send us for a buzz haircut the week after. He was a good sport about it and proclaimed it as “fun.” I was exhausted for days after.
Super Tall Guy is a mouth-breather. He drooled until he was 4 and a half (who does that?). And, he has mild to moderate Obstructive Sleep Apnea.
And, he’s scheduled to have his tonsils out in two days.
And so – I’m an emotional wreck. Because I’m a mom and I’m worried. Because I’m a doctor and I can tell you all the things that can and do go wrong. Because I’m a human and I’m good at getting stressed about the new and the foreign.
So I came into the weekend with this nagging in the back of my heart. After two nights of little sleep in preparation for a community yard sale, I spent ten hours yesterday encouraging deal-finders to spend more for the “kids at the crisis nursery.” Just as the sale was wrapping up, I took Super Tall Guy down to the church that had hosted his summer day camp. He was getting ready for his very first night away from me. He didn’t seem concerned at all. Huh. Not like his mom
I came back to the church for the 6 o’clock service to see Super Tall Guy sing and sign four songs at the start of the service….and I fell apart. Tears streamed down my face. They sang
“Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save; He is mighty to save”
I was a wreck.
I wiped the tears. There in the front row was my little boy – the one that God had saved and was saving. The one that was born to a woman caught in the cycle of homelessness, prostitution and drugs. The one that was born so tiny and is growing so big. God saved him from the life that he was born into and moved him to a new life.
Anyone who knows Super Tall Guy knows this was a momentous weekend. He was chosen to be part of the kids’ choir and he accepted. He was invited to spend the night at the church and he did (AND he stayed dry ALL night!!). He sang and signed in front of 5 different groups of worshippers and he hates to be in front of people!! He sat almost perfectly still (except for a bit of fiddling and nose booger-fishing) during five sessions of communion before singing again and begging me each time to “save me” some grape juice. He pulled it all together and kept it all together.
And then he fell asleep in the car….right after I asked him if I could drive past Gammie’s house and just keep driving for a bit so that he could sleep. He nodded.
He was emotionally and physically tired.
As was I.
I watched my baby boy grow up a little this weekend. I watched him do things I never thought he ever would this weekend.
It’s been a long journey.
There have been some pretty high mountains
And some pretty low valleys.
There have been battles
And rules drawn
And struggles
That have challenged us and caused heartaches and pain.
And yet, there are these huge moments of joy
There are these glimpses of grace
There are reasons for great pride
Those moments hold me
They remind me
They assure me that the long hours
And the physical and the emotional weariness of parenting
It’s all worth it
In the moments.
And so I wept in thankfulness that he was saved and that he came to me
And I wept in nervousness about this week and what the surgery holds.
And I wept in joy.
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